November 11th, 2011

love a nerd

LJ Idol 8:4 - What does narcissism have to do with me?

Karaoke is a passion of mine. There is just something fun about getting up in front of strangers - who generally later turn into friends - and being a rock star for five minutes.

People who become regulars at karaoke shows often have their own standbys, and if the KJ gets to know you, maybe he or she will sign you up for something that they know you like to sing or sing well.

But I like to deviate from my standbys. I don't want sing "Different Drum", "Surrender" and "Wedding Bell Blues" every week, so I'll throw a few different songs into the mix to keep people on their toes.

Last night, I chose to deviate with "Another Sad Love Song" by Toni Braxton.

Also, have I mentioned that I've lost twenty-five pounds in the past few months?

Sometimes when I look in the mirror, I don't recognize myself. I haven't looked this good in years, and believe me, when I'm going out somewhere I'm gonna work it. So last night before we ventured down the street to the karaoke show at Buffalo Wild Wings, I changed out of my Gozerhead shirt and capri pants and made myself a little more presentable. Faded, boot cut jeans and a tiered blouse with cap sleeves my friend Nichole gave me a couple of years ago. I like this blouse because the back is just low enough to show off the top of my tattoo on my left shoulder blade.

After my husband finishes "Suck My Kiss", I'm up for my Toni Braxton song. I'm nowhere near done with my huge beer, but I'm starting to work a good buzz, so I get up there, take the mic from the KJ and start to work it.

About halfway through the song, my husband comes up from behind me and starts grinding against me. "It's okay!" he yells when he's done. "We're married, it's cool."

However, the Super Drunk Girl in the red U of A scrubs who scurried over to the bar when she saw what I was singing has taken his lead. After he goes back to his seat, she proceeds to dry hump me like an unneutered lap dog. I try to get into a little bit - I mean, this is a karaoke show after all, and these people are here for entertainment - but seriously, has she been fixed? God forbid, was she possibly at the Cactus Moon for my birthday and saw the lap dance Neil gave me while he sang to me? Because that was okay, because Neil and I are friends.

Up and down, up and down, she's grinding against my leg and...

(good grief, this chick is too bony...maybe she needs a few sixty cent wings to flesh herself out a little bit)

Up and down.

Up and down.

Up and down.

UP AND DOWN UP AND DOWN UP AND DOWN AUGGGH!!!!!!

Dear God, I can't even remember the words to this song. And I can't even SEE THE WORDS on the screen because she's right there!

I feel like Rachel's Curious George on the episode of Friends where Marcel, Ross's monkey, violates it and Rachel says that "Curious George is no longer curious."

Finally, thankfully, the song ends. I hand the mic back to Sean, the KJ, and my brief tenure as a stripper pole has thankfully ended.

But it's okay.

If some really drunk chick wants to use me as a stripper pole, I must look better than I thought.

I guess it's just one of the unfortunate hazards that comes from being this hot.